"I want better for my kids!"

I was in Wal-Mart this weekend and wondering why I didn't go to Target. While roaming around I saw a 10-12 year old girl freaking out because her parents would not buy her some piece of electronics that she "deserved" because she didn't get any bad grades. The parents, obviously embarrassed and mad at the same time, eventually gave in. Seemed just to shut her up. It made me think of how good my girls really are and how kids these days have such a sense of entitlement.
Everyone has heard the saying, or a variation of it, a million times: I want better for my kids than I ever had. Not me! I want my girls to have all the things they need and we work hard to ensure they are provided those; faith in God, love, food, clothing, and shelter. Although if the clothing must consist of skinny jeans I'm considering taking that one off. All of the other stuff is just junk for me to trip over or yell about when it is not in it's place. Don't get me wrong, my girls have more than they certainly need and if I were home and they went on a weekend trip I'm sure with the aid of a 4 yard dumpster I could solve a large part of that problem. The "stuff" doesn't add to your happiness. Unfortunately, it takes many years to figure this out, and many never do. When I was home Super Bowl weekend Gabriela and I were talking about school and she blurted out that she still hasn't decided if she is going to college. Excuse me?!?!?! I assured her that she WILL be attending and doing very well as I don't want her to have to work 60-70 hours a week like her Mommy and Daddy. Today, as I'm working Sunday and trying to catch up on the stuff at work that I cannot begin to touch during the week I thought more about it. Is college really that important? Will it help her become a happy, well rounded adult?
When I was growing up my parents didn't have college degrees (Mom got her degree later). Only my Grandfather, Aunt Joan, and Uncle Gary had degrees. I think the assumption is that with a degree comes a better chance for a higher income and thus better chance at happiness. Were they happier than everyone else? Possibly. Was it directly tied to a degree? I think not. I believe it was tied to their upbringing and hard work. Until my Grandfather retired he never seemed happy to me, he yelled a lot and I was scared of him. He had a successful business, a great wife that he had been married to for decades, and all the possessions that a person could ever want. After retirement, and as he got older, he totally changed. When Jeff and I would call, or visit, it always ended in him crying and telling us how much he loved and appreciated the time with us. That made him happy. Before he died he talked with us about some of the moments of joy he had throughout his life and how much he loved my Grandmother; but it seemed like he wished he had enjoyed being in those moments as they were happening instead of remembering them years later. Those were the important things that he remembered not how much his business made, the houses, trips, boats, etc. I know it's a cliche that everyone talks about, living in the moment, and that it is much harder to actually do.
Growing up my Dad was not around. No calls, no visits, no child support, nothing. My Mom raised us. She worked hard and we didn't have a lot of the material things that others had. We didn't go on big vacations, have a pool, a dog, or dress in designer clothes- I wore velour clothes far beyond when they were in fashion, if they ever were! My Mom made mistakes along the way, most of them she didn't find out about until recently, but she always provided for us the things we needed. She would work all day, come home, make dinner and clean up every night and on the weekends it was house cleaning time. I know she did this for us and I could never repay her for what she missed out on along the way. We had chores and I could be mistaken, but I think we worked without an allowance. If I wanted money I would cut lawns, pressure clean houses, or get a job. The summer after my 8th grade year I worked for a friend's Dad as a ditch digger to earn money to buy school clothes. In 10th grade I worked at Target and in 11th I worked at a pizza place as a dishwasher and continued there until after high school. While I was working most of my friends were out having fun and partying. I didn't go to college, although I had the opportunity, I went to work after high school. I've regretted that on and off for years but I realize it didn't take away from my happiness. I work hard, I have abused my mind and body when necessary to get the job done, and I have missed things I shouldn't have because I "had" to work. I stress out if things are not right and if they are going well- I'll create my own stress. I want to be the best employee and supervisor I can be. When employees or supervisors talk about me I want them to say I was the best at what I did. I've been blessed to have had great opportunities and role models along the way that taught me that hard work pays off in the end. It's in my DNA to be a worker but has they made my life better?
So what I've decided is that I'm going to stop telling my girls that they should grow up to be doctors, engineers, or teachers. I want them to be the best they can be at something they love to do. In the long run your career is a job, it shouldn't be your life. I want them to be proud of what they do but the pride should come from them doing the best they can, not their paycheck, or power, or the toys it allows them to buy. My father-in-law and i were talking this weekend about my job, managing people, and how he has successfully run a business for 30 years. He said something that stuck with me. He said that most businesses list their assets as the material things they own: equipment, vehicles, product, and employees as the liabilities. He runs his business the opposite way, his employees are his biggest asset. I want my girls to apply that in their lives.
I remember the disappointments and accomplishments I've had at work throughout the years. They don't compare to seeing Gabriela for the first time, or seeing Sophia's face when we allowed her to go to her first school dance, or listening to Ava explain to her older sisters that I am kidding when I tell them we ate yesterday and that we can't keep feeding them 3 times a day, and certainly don't compare to 3 year old Mia telling me today how much she liked me taking her to the zoo on our date 4 months ago. What do I want my girls to say about me when I'm gone? I worked hard to provide for them? Yeah, that would be nice. That I was extremely good looking? I'll definitely take that. That I was pretty funny? Much more likely! I want them to know that if they work hard enough they can do or have anything they want- but that those things don't always make you happy. I want better for my girls, of course. Have faith in God and share it with others; enjoy your family as often as possible, they won't be there forever; laugh a lot, especially at your self; do something you love, you won't even consider it work; help people as much as you can, even if when it's hard; and thank God everyday because you didn't do it alone. Happy Valentine's Day, I miss you all.

Mia is three!

It's been a while so forgive me if I'm rusty. I've been in Florida now just about one month, working at my new, old job. I've been very busy trying to get the place back in the shape I left it in and am working some very long hours. I knew this would be the case when I took the job and I figured it was for the best that Madeline and the girls stayed back in TN until after school was over because I'd be at work more than home anyway. Mark this day down because something is about to happen that is as rare as Haley's Comet...I was wrong. I miss my girls too much! I miss having to get out of bed at 6AM on the weekends because no one else in the house can hear the dog whinning and barking for the past thirty minutes to go out. I miss stepping on an old happy meal toy left in the middle of the walk way even though we told the girls to cleanup before they went to bed. I miss that I can, not that I do, make breakfast for the girls on Sunday and Madeline doesn't even now it's daylight yet. I miss that more often than you care to know there are noises coming out of them that I always thought were reserved for boys. I miss them!

I talk to them daily and at least 4 or 5 times a week on the video phone. Not much has changed with them, Bella's still laughs at everything, funny or not. Sophia, it seems is looking at herself on the video phone more than me. Ava still constantly makes her goofy faces instead of talking and Mia makes the most of being on the bar chair and grabs everything within reach and inevitably hangs up the phone a time or two. Madeline is still as beautiful as the first day I met her although we rarely get to talk on the phone. Yeah, not much has changed about them.

Tonight Madeline and the girls are celebrating Mia's 3rd birthday with friends and family in TN. I'm sad that I am missing it because Mia will only turn three once. I bet the kids are all pretty much out of control. The house is probably a disaster by now and someone, somewhere is crying. It will most likely take Madeline all night to clean up the mess, though she'll probably clean it up in the morning because she has to get the girls in bed- school tomorrow. It's quiet here, REALLY quiet, like post-apocolypse quiet. I may watch a movie, read, or maybe just check out what's new on the web. Not sure what the night has in store for me but I can do whatever I want.

I'm pretty sure I said out loud that this would be much harder for Madeline, taking care of the girls all alone, like a single Mother. For me I thought it would be a piece of cake. Sure I'd miss them but I would see them once a month and with the phone calls that would be enough. I was wrong! When I do to talk to Madeline she is usually stressed out because someone "forgot" to take the dog out or this one is fighting with that one, and no one is listening to her at all. I'm also pretty sure was a little jealous that I was coming home to Florida because most of our childhood friends are still here. We've made some great friends in TN but there is something to be said for "coming home". I remember her asking me what I was going to do down here until she and the girls could join me..."whatever I want!", said with a grin. It's true, I can do whatever I want, but what do I want? I want them, here, now. I can hardly take the fact that we are apart. I miss the goofy jokes, innappropriate sounds, and wierd faces. I miss laying down at night and cuddling with Madeline even though she wants me stay in my own space. I miss them all running up to me with hugs when I walk in the door from work. I miss my Mia's beautiful little face with a smile so big it envelopes her eyes. I guess I never thought it would be harder on me than them. I'm very thankful God has blessed me with such a great family and countless blessings. I just wish they were here. Happy Birthday Mia Mei, I miss you so much!

Today :)

Our Mia Mei today...

... always with her foot in the picture :)

Sweet Daddy's Girl

Enjoying dinner and cake with the Aunt G & Uncle Stinky and boys :) Just like in China, loving her noodles, heehee! And, of course, a ladybug cake!

One year ago....

In the Jenfeng hotel in the city of Nanchang, in the Jiangxi province of China our four year journey to our daughter ended and our life as a family of six began!




Here is the photo taken when little Guo Dan Rui was handed to us. It is fitting that the picture is blurry. We were the last of the twelve families to receive our baby. Being last, at times, has it's benefits! We had the incredible opportunity to witness eleven other families welcome their little girls into their arms and hearts that day! It was amazing!!! But immediately after Mia was placed in our arms we were quickly hurried out of the meeting room to go feed the babies. They were so tired, hot and hungry from their day of traveling to us. Mia was so brave, she was inspecting us, taking it all in but finally began to cry out "ma ma, ma ma". It was so hard to see her hurting :( By the time we made it to our room she had stopped crying and was really checking us out :)






We fed her a bottle, which she would only take if it was practically boiling. She played on the bed for an hour or so and then fell asleep from exhaustion. We watched her sleep most of the night, in complete awe of her, our gift from God!!! Just as we had gazed at her three older sisters on their first night sleeping in a crib beside us :)


In an adoption story there are so many dates to celebrate, the day you start your paperwork, the day it was accepted in China, the first time you saw your child in a photo, the actual adoption day but for us the day we held her in our arms, August 2, 2009 was the day we hold most dear!!! This year has gone so fast. Mia has grown and changed so much but in the blink of an eye I can remember exactly what it felt like to hold her for the first time.


We celebrated today!!! We thanked God today! We remembered all of the people that helped us bring Mia home! Tonight we will pray for those in China that made it possible for her to find us, her forever family!

God's blessings

Our house is normally pretty lively with our four girls and many times, a few more children. Although I got home tonight very early, all my girls were asleep. I went through the house checking on each one as I normally do and making sure everything was okay. Even though I always do this, tonight seemed a little different. As I checked on each of them it brought me back to when I was anxiously anticipating meeting each one, including Madeline. I can remember wondering what each one would look like, or smell like, sound like or even feel like, and what their personality would be like. What I realized is that after each one came into my life I could no longer remember my original image of them. You see, they were so much more perfect than I could have ever imagined! It is getting so close to our one year anniversary of holding Mia for the first time. As I remember all of the things we went through during our adoption process it all seems so long ago and very small. I guess if you are ever down or questioning the blessings that God has given you sometimes all you need to do is watch the loves of your life while they sleep (Lucy is still on the bubble). I'm not sure what I have done to deserve these blessings but I thank God each day for them and you should too. Good Night.

June 22nd....

We can hardly believe that one year has passed since we first laid eyes on our Mia! After four long years of waiting - the phone rang, we answered, listened to information about our baby and gathered around the computer screen anxiously awaiting her photo! It was amazing, there she was - this little one was our daughter :)




We can hardly put into words how precious she is! She has grown so fast into the sweet and spunky little leader of the pack :)



God has blessed us with four wonderful girls and we thank him every day for the joy they bring to our hearts and our home!!!


June 22nd will forever be a VERY special day to us!!!! :)

Funny, Ingenious and just a little bit pathetic...

Oh how we miss Florida......

Their TN "pool" :}



For the record, this was ALL the girls idea!!!