"I want better for my kids!"

I was in Wal-Mart this weekend and wondering why I didn't go to Target. While roaming around I saw a 10-12 year old girl freaking out because her parents would not buy her some piece of electronics that she "deserved" because she didn't get any bad grades. The parents, obviously embarrassed and mad at the same time, eventually gave in. Seemed just to shut her up. It made me think of how good my girls really are and how kids these days have such a sense of entitlement.
Everyone has heard the saying, or a variation of it, a million times: I want better for my kids than I ever had. Not me! I want my girls to have all the things they need and we work hard to ensure they are provided those; faith in God, love, food, clothing, and shelter. Although if the clothing must consist of skinny jeans I'm considering taking that one off. All of the other stuff is just junk for me to trip over or yell about when it is not in it's place. Don't get me wrong, my girls have more than they certainly need and if I were home and they went on a weekend trip I'm sure with the aid of a 4 yard dumpster I could solve a large part of that problem. The "stuff" doesn't add to your happiness. Unfortunately, it takes many years to figure this out, and many never do. When I was home Super Bowl weekend Gabriela and I were talking about school and she blurted out that she still hasn't decided if she is going to college. Excuse me?!?!?! I assured her that she WILL be attending and doing very well as I don't want her to have to work 60-70 hours a week like her Mommy and Daddy. Today, as I'm working Sunday and trying to catch up on the stuff at work that I cannot begin to touch during the week I thought more about it. Is college really that important? Will it help her become a happy, well rounded adult?
When I was growing up my parents didn't have college degrees (Mom got her degree later). Only my Grandfather, Aunt Joan, and Uncle Gary had degrees. I think the assumption is that with a degree comes a better chance for a higher income and thus better chance at happiness. Were they happier than everyone else? Possibly. Was it directly tied to a degree? I think not. I believe it was tied to their upbringing and hard work. Until my Grandfather retired he never seemed happy to me, he yelled a lot and I was scared of him. He had a successful business, a great wife that he had been married to for decades, and all the possessions that a person could ever want. After retirement, and as he got older, he totally changed. When Jeff and I would call, or visit, it always ended in him crying and telling us how much he loved and appreciated the time with us. That made him happy. Before he died he talked with us about some of the moments of joy he had throughout his life and how much he loved my Grandmother; but it seemed like he wished he had enjoyed being in those moments as they were happening instead of remembering them years later. Those were the important things that he remembered not how much his business made, the houses, trips, boats, etc. I know it's a cliche that everyone talks about, living in the moment, and that it is much harder to actually do.
Growing up my Dad was not around. No calls, no visits, no child support, nothing. My Mom raised us. She worked hard and we didn't have a lot of the material things that others had. We didn't go on big vacations, have a pool, a dog, or dress in designer clothes- I wore velour clothes far beyond when they were in fashion, if they ever were! My Mom made mistakes along the way, most of them she didn't find out about until recently, but she always provided for us the things we needed. She would work all day, come home, make dinner and clean up every night and on the weekends it was house cleaning time. I know she did this for us and I could never repay her for what she missed out on along the way. We had chores and I could be mistaken, but I think we worked without an allowance. If I wanted money I would cut lawns, pressure clean houses, or get a job. The summer after my 8th grade year I worked for a friend's Dad as a ditch digger to earn money to buy school clothes. In 10th grade I worked at Target and in 11th I worked at a pizza place as a dishwasher and continued there until after high school. While I was working most of my friends were out having fun and partying. I didn't go to college, although I had the opportunity, I went to work after high school. I've regretted that on and off for years but I realize it didn't take away from my happiness. I work hard, I have abused my mind and body when necessary to get the job done, and I have missed things I shouldn't have because I "had" to work. I stress out if things are not right and if they are going well- I'll create my own stress. I want to be the best employee and supervisor I can be. When employees or supervisors talk about me I want them to say I was the best at what I did. I've been blessed to have had great opportunities and role models along the way that taught me that hard work pays off in the end. It's in my DNA to be a worker but has they made my life better?
So what I've decided is that I'm going to stop telling my girls that they should grow up to be doctors, engineers, or teachers. I want them to be the best they can be at something they love to do. In the long run your career is a job, it shouldn't be your life. I want them to be proud of what they do but the pride should come from them doing the best they can, not their paycheck, or power, or the toys it allows them to buy. My father-in-law and i were talking this weekend about my job, managing people, and how he has successfully run a business for 30 years. He said something that stuck with me. He said that most businesses list their assets as the material things they own: equipment, vehicles, product, and employees as the liabilities. He runs his business the opposite way, his employees are his biggest asset. I want my girls to apply that in their lives.
I remember the disappointments and accomplishments I've had at work throughout the years. They don't compare to seeing Gabriela for the first time, or seeing Sophia's face when we allowed her to go to her first school dance, or listening to Ava explain to her older sisters that I am kidding when I tell them we ate yesterday and that we can't keep feeding them 3 times a day, and certainly don't compare to 3 year old Mia telling me today how much she liked me taking her to the zoo on our date 4 months ago. What do I want my girls to say about me when I'm gone? I worked hard to provide for them? Yeah, that would be nice. That I was extremely good looking? I'll definitely take that. That I was pretty funny? Much more likely! I want them to know that if they work hard enough they can do or have anything they want- but that those things don't always make you happy. I want better for my girls, of course. Have faith in God and share it with others; enjoy your family as often as possible, they won't be there forever; laugh a lot, especially at your self; do something you love, you won't even consider it work; help people as much as you can, even if when it's hard; and thank God everyday because you didn't do it alone. Happy Valentine's Day, I miss you all.